


Heart to Heart

by Penguina



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Drunk Oswald, Feelings, Friendship, Happy Ending, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining Edward Nygma, Pining Oswald Cobblepot, Sweet Edward Nygma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-24 00:04:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18158816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguina/pseuds/Penguina
Summary: Oswald is very affected by Jim Gordon’s wedding. When Edward has to console a drunk heartbroken Oswald the two have a heart to heart and come to a fascinating realization about themselves.





	Heart to Heart

Edward was pulling another all nighter, working on the submarine with persistent dedication. It was way after midnight, yet Ed needed to clear his head a little so he went for a small stroll around City Hall. A part of him wondered if Oswald was still awake and if Edward could go talk to him for a bit. Working alone on this whole project was not easy and he definitely needed the distraction before going back to his calculations.

As he walked he suddenly heard a weird sound coming from Oswald’s office. So Penguin was awake after all! Either that or they had unexpected and uninvited guests. Edward pulled out his gun and headed for Oswald’s office.

“Hands where I can see them!” He warned, pointing the gun at whoever was in the room. However when he turned on the lights he saw it was just Oswald, swaying on his legs as if he couldn’t keep his balance.

“Oh. Oswald. It’s you. I thought it was an enemy,” he sighed in relief and put away the gun. “What are you doing here? I didn’t think you’d be awake this late.”

“Yessss, sorrrrrry,” Oswald giggled. “Didn’t mean to wake up. Wake you up… Disturb your waking…?”

Edward frowned. “Oswald…. Are you… drunk!”

Oswald looked up at Edward with a dazed look on his face. “Ppperhaps? Only a little bit.”

“Oswald… why?” Ed asked completely lost. It was hard not to express his frustration upon seeing Penguin in this state when Ed himself was so exhausted with work, so before he knew it, he was already raising his voice. “We’re doing something important here. I work day and night to complete this submarine and instead of giving me the slightest hint of help you get hammered! What were you thinking, Oswald!”

“I know… I know…” Oswald sighed, he slid down to sit on the cool floor as if that would sober him up magically. “I know, Edward. I understand your anger. You work hard and it’s such a complicated task. But you don’t need me, Ed! No one needs me. You’re a genius, you got this. I know you won’t fail because… because you’re brilliant! And I--” he shrugged. “I just needed a drink. That’s all.”

Edward still seemed angry, but slightly placated by Oswald’s words. “I don’t see why you’re doing this. There’s plenty of things you could do to speed the process. You could at least keep me company, if nothing else. Or assist me while I work. I’m all alone there…”

“I am  _ not  _ a good friend, Ed,” Oswald chuckled bitterly, propping his head on the wall behind him and looking up at Nygma. “You said you accepted me for who I am. This is who I am. I’m useless.”

“That’s bullshit,” Edward bit out.

Oswald frowned. “What?”

“You heard me. That’s. Bullshit!” Edward repeated firmly.

Oswald pursed his lips, body going rigid. “Please, don’t yell at me. At least not tonight… Just leave me alone.”

Edward was completely taken aback by this reaction. Penguin looked so utterly broken and Edward could not figure out why. Usually whenever Oswald got his severe depressive moods there was a reason for it, something Edward could work with. But this here? This made no sense.  

“What the hell is with you these days! I don’t get it!”

Oswald opened his mouth to reply but his bottom lip trembled a little and he changed his mind, remaining silent. His hesitation, however, was enough to make Edward concerned. He took a step closer to Oswald, sitting down on the floor next to him.

“Oswald? Are you okay?” he asked softly. He sounded considerably calmer now, hoping to sooth his friend and discover the source of this peculiar behavior.

Oswald tried hard to control his emotions but they both knew that would not work. It was challenging for Oswald to control his emotions when he hadn’t had anything to drink, let alone now. In the end all it took was a hand on Oswald’s shoulder and the smaller man was spilling out everything.

“Jim Gordon got married,” he whispered, avoiding Edward’s gaze. “He married Lee Thompkins today. Barbara and I, we-- we spent the evening together, drinking.”

“But Barbara’s pregnant,” Edward reminded.

“That’s why I had to drink for both of us!” Oswald gasped and sobbed, hiding his face from Edward with shaky hands.

“Oh… Os--Oswald… come here. It’s okay…” Edward took Oswald in his arms and enwrapped him in his embrace like the small sad bird that he was. Rubbing his back gently, he continued with soft reassuring, “It’s okay… It’s going to be alright.”

Oswald spent a few moments sobbing into Edward’s chest, clinging onto him with near desperation. When he finally calmed down enough to speak, they could talk again.

“I didn’t know you still…” Ed hesitated what word to use and then settled on, “...  _ cared  _ about Gordon like that.”

Oswald shook his head. “I don’t. At least, I thought I didn’t… And then the news came… First him and Barbara, then him and Lee…” Oswald sucked in a sharp breath to keep himself from tearing up again. “It was a bit too much all at once.” He sighed. “It’s like… I lived my life with the knowledge that this thing I really want would never be mine. And I was fine with that. I was used to the status quo. But then suddenly the status quo changed and I was reminded all over again of how painful it is that I can never have this.”

“Gordon. You wanted Gordon,” Edward said, face unreadable, voice even. In his state Oswald missed to notice how stiff and unformortable Edward suddenly looked.

“You know I had feelings for Jim, it’s pointless to deny it,” Oswald admitted. “You’ve seen me at the GCPD all those years ago. Desperate to get his attention, desperate to be his friend…”

“Yes, but that was so long ago. I thought you moved on.” Edward said.  

“I did! I forgot about Jim when I--” Oswald cut himself off, glancing briefly at Edward but then quickly looking away again. He cleared his throat. “The point is, Jim and I have a very dynamic relationship. We’ve worked together, we did favors for one another, we had fights and arguments, we’ve made up after that. But recently it’s been mostly good. And I liked that. We worked together, he seemed happy with the new arrangement. I wanted to keep that. I thought-- I mean, I didn’t think that he’d want me of all people but I thought that we could at least…” Oswald sighed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. “I don’t know what I was thinking really. I just wasn’t ready to see him married.”

“It is unexpected. Was it a shotgun wedding?”

Oswald chuckled at the expression. “Yes and no. They decided it a month ago and… now they’re married.”

“I didn't know. You didn’t tell me.”

“I was unsure how you’d take it” Oswald said awkwardly. “Considering you and Lee…”

“That was nothing. That was-- I was wrong about that. You were right when you tried to warn me about it.”

Oswald waved it off. “Water under the broken bridges of Gotham.”

They both chuckled, relaxing on the floor, propped on the wall.

After a small pause Oswald hummed. “I’m glad it’s Lee,” he said. “Jim’s been in love with her for so long. I’m happy for him. He got the woman he wanted. It sucks for Barbara, though. And it sucks for me but…” suddenly he started laughing hysterically. “Actually, no! That’s not true! It only sucks for Barbara! I don’t even have the right to say it sucks for me! Jim and I, we were never-- and Barbara is  _ having his child _ , for crying out loud! I am just a nobody to Jim!”

This realization was too much again and Oswald bursted into tears one more time. Edward swallowed worriedly. He knew the cue and hugged his friend once again.

“I understand, Oswald. I’m sorry, there isn’t much I can do about this…”

Oswald shifted a little, putting more distance between them so that he could look at Ed. “Yeah… there’s nothing you can do but that’s alright. Just leave me, I’ll be fine. You need to rest before you get back to work.”

Ed shook his head. “I’m not leaving you. Now or ever.” He pulled Oswald back into his embrace. He knew the physical reassurance would calm Oswald again like it did a moment ago. “We’re past that already. We’re back to-- to how things were before… before I shot you.”

Oswald inhaled deeply, closing his eyes, nose still pressed to Edward’s chest. “Let’s not talk about that. I feel bad enough as it is.”

Edward nodded, keeping Oswald in his arms. For a moment there was silence. But then Ed broke it. “I’m so stupid,” he said quietly, as if replying to his own thoughts.

Oswald lifted his gaze a little, but remained resting in his friend’s embrace. “You’re not stupid, Ed. Why do you say that?”

“All this time a part of me couldn’t help but thinking that you still--” he huffed frustrated.

Oswald frowned. “That I still what?”

“That you still  _ loved me _ .” There. It was out. He had confessed it. That stupid thought that just proved that after a certain point in their history together Edward had started taken Oswald’s love for granted.

Oswald pulled away a little nervously. “What?” he asked, voice small.

“I know it’s bad. But even back when we were fighting I thought I still had this power over you because deep down you still loved me. I assumed you’d just… keep on loving me no matter what. I realize how selfish and stupid that is! I’m  _ so  _ sorry, Oswald! I shouldn’t have assumed… and I shouldn’t have brought this up now. What was I thinking?”

It was his exhaustion, allowing all the emotions that had suddenly hit him hard when he saw Oswald in this state because of Jim Gordon. Ed liked to think of himself as a cold logician but the truth was his emotions were still very much there, active and strong even as he pushed them deep inside his heart. It were those feelings he had suppressed for so long that had finally found a crack in his armor and decided to resurface tonight.

“Edward…” Oswald breathed.

Edward held up a hand to stop the man right there. “No, don’t say anything,” he warned. “I like where we are in our friendship right now. I like it that we’re friends again. I don’t want to ruin that. So please, let’s just pretend I didn’t say anything, okay?”

He sat up a little, putting more distance between them, assuming that was what Oswald wanted. But Oswald was silent -- an unusual occurrence indeed. It made Edward feel a little uneasy. His friend was frowning, thinking. The alcohol was slowly releasing its grip on him and his mind was thinking almost clearly again, Ed could tell. He swallowed.

“Why is that thought upsetting you?” Oswald finally spoke. His voice was soft, unsure. “Why is the thought of me not loving you anymore upsetting you?”

Edward exhaled, clearly irritated with himself (not with Oswald, never again with Oswald). “I told you why. I’m an egotistical selfish man. My ego was flattered to know that you were still pining after me. I wanted to have the upper hand.”

“But… are you sure that’s all there is to it?” Oswald asked, suddenly hopeful. “Are you sure there’s nothing more?”

“What more could there be?” Ed asked puzzled.

“Perhaps you--” Oswald bit his lower lip.

A memory, a very painful memory appeared before him. His own pleading voice, the sorrow he felt, the tears blurring his vision.  _ “I did it for love! I did it because I love you! You should know that”.  _ And then the cold-hearted rejection, the hatred in Edward’s eyes, the mockery.  _ “I don’t love you”, “You’re here because, what, I didn’t love you back? Get over it!”  _ He tried to shake off these shadows of Edward and Oswald from years ago, to put them to the back of his mind again and ignore them. Pretend they never happened. This was a new start for him and Ed and Oswald didn’t want to taint it with bad memories. He also didn’t need more heartbreak, especially not tonight. Tonight was bad enough as it was.

“Never mind,” he said out loud. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

But Edward was not going to let it go this time. Lack of communication between them was never good. Whatever misfortunes had befallen on them in the past happened when they didn’t communicate. They were at their strongest when they were open with one another and that was what Edward wanted for them.

“I think we can both agree that we’re stronger together, Oswald. We’re better when we work as one. That means we speak truths to one another, speak things as they are. No secrets. No hidden thoughts. Total openness.”

Oswald took in a shaky breath. “What if you don’t like what you hear? What if you hate what I have to say?”

“Better that than let it stand between us,” he said firmly. “We don’t have to always like what we have to say to one another. But that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it, work it out, find a way to deal with it. Like you said, Oswald, we are meant for each other. And I’m not throwing that away ever again! What we have matters to me. So I’m willing to fight for it.”

Encouraged by those words, Oswald licked his lips and spoke, “I still love you, Edward. I never stopped loving you.” His heart was going crazy in his chest, his head was spinning, but he kept going, kept talking, baring himself in front of Edward once again, consequences be damned. “I love you. I didn’t tell you because I assumed you didn’t care. I didn’t want to get hurt again, didn’t want to be that vulnerable and helpless… But I could never really move on from  _ you _ , Ed. I still think of you as my one true love. I guess that’s what you’ll always be to me.” He swallowed. “We don’t have to be more than friends, y’know. I’m happy to be your friend, it’s a privilege. But when you said what you just told me, I couldn’t help but wonder… Do you perhaps love me back?”

All the air was suddenly knocked out of Edward’s lungs. He couldn’t breath, couldn’t speak. His exhausted brain was trying to catch up with his heart. “But I thought James Gordon…” he finally muttered, trailing off.

“Ah,” Oswald chuckled softly. “I’ve been smitten with Jim for a really long time. He’s important to me personally. I’ve always had very strong feelings for him, whether admiration, gratitude, or anger. But I don’t love him. It was different with you. What I felt for you back then was not merely infatuation. It had time to evolve and take stronger roots. It took me by surprise as it slowly became what it is now. A steady, passionate, constant feeling, a love that I cannot forget even when I try to ignore it. It’s a part of me now. I’m used to it. It’s inevitable and eternal.” Glancing at Edward’s face he was quick to add, “That is not to say I’d go about killing your girlfriends,  _ again _ ,” he rolled his eyes. “I’ve learned my lesson. My love for you is not as desperate and insane as it was back then. I know my place now. But that doesn’t mean the feeling’s gone.”

Ed’s silence filled Oswald with dread. It all felt too much like the first time.

“Edward? Say something?” Penguin’s voice was trembling. He was afraid that this would be it -- the end of their friendship. All that time it took for them to rebuild their trust, to come this far, and Oswald just ruined it with one poorly timed confession. He should’ve kept it to himself, he shouldn’t have mentioned anything to Edward! They were friends again, partners, running away from Gotham together, Edward even admitted that their friendship meant something to him. How stupid of him to profess love again! Stupid, stupid!

“Oswald,” Edward spoke calmly, logically.

Oswald felt his heart sink but he nodded nevertheless, ready to hear what Ed had to say.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” Ed warned. “I hope you don’t mind?”

Oswald gaped at him. He must’ve misheard. Edward probably said  _ kill _ , not  _ kiss _ .

“Is that okay, Oswald?” Ed asked one more time and when Oswald didn’t reply he elaborated further, “A kiss? On the lips? I’ll sort of… lean in and tilt my head and press our… our lips together…” There was strange energy in Edward’s voice as he spoke the words. His eyes were looking at Oswald’s lips as if he were already kissing him in his mind.

Oswald couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

“You’re serious about this? It’s not-- a test or some kind of plan…?”

“No pretence anymore, Oswald! Only honesty and openness between us!” Edward reminded with passion. “So tell me now, may I kiss you? Do you allow it?”

“Yes!” Oswald breathed out.

No more thinking, he was tired of thinking. It was time to be brave and take a chance. This time the outcome was a happy one. Edward smiled and leaned in slowly, like he said he would. Oswald held his breath as he felt Edward’s own hot breath warming his lips. And then… finally… Edward was kissing him. One kiss was followed by another one and another one and another one… Suddenly they couldn’t get enough of each other.

“Edward…” Oswald sighed in between kisses. He was afraid to open his eyes lest this was all a dream. “Edward…”

“Yes, Oswald?” Edward whispered back, just as affected by their affections as Oswald was.

“I love you!” Oswald said, holding his breath.

Edward pulled away for a moment, cupping Penguin’s cheek and stroking it gently with his thumb. Looking into Oswald’s eyes he smiled. “I love you too, Oswald!”

After all those years, after everything they’ve been through, they were here now. Loving one another and finally admitting it. It took so long but it was worth it for now their bond was stronger than ever. The worst was behind them and ahead lied only a future they’d create together.

“Hmm, remind me to send Mr. and Mrs. Gordon a very expensive wedding gift,” Oswald chuckled as he snuggled in the warm embrace of his beloved Edward. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find a Russian translation of this story [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/8264370) by [belljanuary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/belljanuary/pseuds/belljanuary). Thank you, my friend, for taking the time and effort to translate my story! :) 


End file.
